Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth

I have been in business for about 31 years, of which 28 years were in various levels of management, anywhere from a small sales team leadership all the way upto regional senior management roles for multinational teams of large global companies. During all those years, naturally, I have tried various management methods, which usually depend on the outdated control based management approaches. 2 years ago, I went through an extensive coaching programme to extend my management capabilities with this approach. I am currently working for a small software company, where I am responsible for a group of 30 young professionals. Frankly speaking, it was only when I read this book, which truly clicked somethings inside me. I can now see and believe how coaching can truly inspire one’s own growth and change process. I started with the audible version, then switched to the Kindle version of the book. At first, the concept of coaching with compassion, the PEAs, NEAs didnt make much sense to me. Then I went to Youtube and found out some video clips of R.Boyatzis’ expanding on the matter. His explanations with neuro-science related evidences of how human brain works when exposed the positive emotional attractors versus negative emotional attractors sounded quite simple but very convincing. Then I found some podcasts of R.Boyatzis, where he explained how coaching with compassion can make the difference, really moved me towards more interest because the group I am managing desparately need to change, but somehow couldnt. I then finished the audible version and polished all my learnings with the hard copy version. So, I’ve completed the full cycle and directly went into the practice. I’ve seen some amazing results to prove all of his points to the level that Boyatzis and his co-authors seemed to have created a long awaited final touch to the field of coaching. By the way, you dont need to buy all three versions to realise this. I was just so excited that I wanted to cover all the grounds to make sure I soak up the full knowledge.I think that this book comes with a simple but revolutionary method that truly makes the art of coaching to excell in the area of helping people truly change. Furthermore, the book also lays out the blueprint to the culture change in whereever you apply this approach. In my view, listening R.Boyatzis’ own words thru the podcasts and Youtube videos definitely enhanced my understanding and made me see the full picture. In summary, I highly recommend this book to all coaches, managers and leaders of all kinds to expand their knowledge with very simple but crucial piece of knowledge that R.Boyatzis and his co-authors provide after decades of valuable works. It is through this book that you get to learn the real dynamics behind people’s voluntary change process. You can apply the learnings of this book anywhere in life, from home to multinational giant companies. There are many good ideas that may be of lifechanging tools for those who wants to touch on people’s lives through their journey of change and thrive. If I am to suggest one thing to the authors that would be to add a workbook section, may be as a continuum of this book with practical tools, such as coaching worksheets with alternate questions. This is defintely a very valuable reference book in my personal library.

If you want to be a more inspiring person or a better leader, if you want to attract—and keep—the millennial generation in your workplace, this science-backed book is the replacement for the ultimately ineffective One Minute Manager of the last century. But organizations, therapists, coaches, pastors, and helpers who counsel others will also find a valuable resource in these 200 pages. It also works as a self help book. In fact the authors point out that in order to help someone else to enable lasting change, you need to do the same self care and homework that you encourage your clients, family, or staff to do. The research (including functional MRI brain scans) shows that in order to make behavioral change lasting, you have to accentuate the positive over the negative; people shut down when they feel blame and judgement from the rational mind, and it’s the emotions that rule behavior. Instead of triggering the stress hormones that come from the rational mind and the sympathetic nervous system, you need to engage the parasympathetic nervous system—the creative mind—and engage the hormones of creativity more often. It's not a balance of equals: the carrots must outnumber the sticks, the praise must come more often than the threats, or change won't last. It’s still a version of threats and rewards, fear and love, carrots and sticks, but now we know they work better if they’re inner driven, not imposed. You can’t motivate from the top down, or force people to change from the outside in, as sages have been saying for millennia—and now there’s research to prove it. For a university press book, there’s surprisingly little jargon, though the aforementioned carrots and sticks are called Positive Emotional Attractors and Negative Emotional Attractors. (Obligatory acronyms of PEA and NEA.) There are helpful sidebars and anecdotal stories, with plenty of science cites in the notes. Anyone willing to do the work of reading and inner investigation will come away knowing how to engage with people on a core level in order to truly help—though you’ll have to do the action steps in order to be effective. Highly recommended.

The example stories given are not the best. The theories provided and different methods is what really make thus book worth the read.

I highly recommend this book for anyone interested or already involved in coaching. It puts the whole process of coaching into an easy to grasp perspective. Many books give exercises and practices but this one gives the container that provides a background for how coaching works in relation to creating positive emotional states, engaging the parasympathetic nervous system and other research-based gems of information. The stories are truly interesting and illustrate the points being taught. Each chapter also ends with a summary of key points and self-reflective practices. Truly an invaluable read for all coaches!

I have been reading this book in a group with several other coaches together and it has been very informative and has a lot of practical tips. Looking forward to putting them to practice.

One of the best books I've ever read for cultivating an effective executive coaching mindset. With nearly 10 years of experience in executive coaching, I'm re-reading it to further sharpen my approach as a coach. A true gem.

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Book didn’t offer anything I didn’t know. Well written ~ would recommend if topic interests you.

Amazing approach on Helping people change. The approach provided in this book is amazingly simple. strongly recommended to people in all genres who want to bring change in themselves and also bring the best version of people they work with.!!!

I really enjoyed reading this book. I’m a personal trainer and always looking for ways to inprove my people skills and coaching. Coaching with compassion gave me a new perspective and applicable techniques for my coaching business. I feel more confident on helping my clients to make lasting lifestyle changes and creating a resonant relationships.

Avocat de l'intelligence émotionnelle, professeur à la Case Western University de Cleveland, Richard Boyatzis avec ses collègues milite dans ce livre pour une approche positive du coaching (coaching compassionnel). Il s'agit d'aider les coachés à appréhender les changement à partir de ce qu'ils désirent et non de ce que leur environnement attend d'eux.On appréciera les nombreuses études qui sont données en référence pour étayer leur thèse avec des éléments de neurophysiologie, même si certaines du fait de la nature des échantillons choisis (souvent des étudiants) laissent dubitatifs quant aux éventuels biais.Ils mettent en évidence 3 éléments clés pour aider le coaché à s'engager dans des changements importants :- l'aider à avoir une vision personnelle de son avenir, à le rêver et oser vouloir le mettre en oeuvre- être dans une attitude inconditionnelle de compassion- vivre avec lui un partage (contagieux) d'émotions positivesChaque chapitre est clos par un résumé des points importants, des questions pour réfléchir et des apports méthodologiques.J'aurais personnellement préféré un peu plus de distance critique sur la thèse qu'ils défendent. Il y a un côté prosélyte dans ce livre, sous son apparence scientifique, qui ne me satisfait pas complètement.Mais il faut rendre justice à un travail qui délivre beaucoup de très bonnes informations qui aideront des coachs dans leur pratique, souvent en les confortant dans leurs manières de faire, mais aussi en leur ouvrant de nouveaux horizons.